so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
