I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
