remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
