Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
