The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
