peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you never un-have a 4some
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
