3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
