i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
