Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
