im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
