Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
