And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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