Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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