new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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