i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
