I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
