ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She even gives head with a lisp.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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