Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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