Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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