oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
