I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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