I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
