i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
