i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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