I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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