If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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