just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
