Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
