At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
