Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize