the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
