I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
