I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
