just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
