please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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