I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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