At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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