lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
