my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
