he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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