So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
