The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
