well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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