I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
