When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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