I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
