I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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