Yo dont text me then not text me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
