She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
