At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize