i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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