there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize