last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
