i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize