That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
