YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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