that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
