I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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