I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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