i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
