I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
