Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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