I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize