You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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