I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
