Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
