so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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