I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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