Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Damn victory sex feels great
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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