He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
