this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
