my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
