I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize