I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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