My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
