Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My bed smells like the plague
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
