What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
