If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
