my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
