It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
