we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
