Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
