btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
