Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
