one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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