Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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