Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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