Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
