Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
