so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize