Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
smell my finger.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
