so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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