I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
