We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize