wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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