thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
